1
00:00:01,450 --> 00:00:06,810
But Sunday morning is only for the
black.

2
00:00:07,570 --> 00:00:14,330
And the sacred moments of dearliness are
where I find

3
00:00:14,330 --> 00:00:15,390
my heaven.

4
00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:18,450
Where I find my heaven.

5
00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:57,160
Around the apartment all day, watching
afternoon TV and picking their noses.

6
00:00:58,980 --> 00:00:59,980
Bollocks.

7
00:01:02,780 --> 00:01:04,780
Christ, I'm so bored.

8
00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:13,980
Hi. Oh, fold me in half if it isn't
little Shagger Wilkins.

9
00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:16,980
Don't worry, it's charming. I'm not
staying long.

10
00:01:17,220 --> 00:01:18,580
Oh, that's a relief.

11
00:01:19,390 --> 00:01:22,310
Did you ever meet Rosie Randall Parrot,
who's at university, with me?

12
00:01:22,610 --> 00:01:24,250
No. Well, guess what?

13
00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:27,730
She's invited me to her family's place
in Rutland. I'm going to throw a few

14
00:01:27,730 --> 00:01:29,490
things in a bag and then I'm scooting
straight off.

15
00:01:30,330 --> 00:01:31,330
Right.

16
00:01:31,770 --> 00:01:33,770
Barney Randall Parrot's giving me a
lift.

17
00:01:34,150 --> 00:01:35,150
Oh, jolly good.

18
00:01:35,530 --> 00:01:36,690
He's coming in line to the throne.

19
00:01:37,550 --> 00:01:39,290
48th. Or is it 84th?

20
00:01:39,590 --> 00:01:42,050
No, it's 48th. It's just after the
Corgis, then.

21
00:01:42,350 --> 00:01:43,610
Oh, very witty.

22
00:01:44,970 --> 00:01:46,010
Christ, what shall I wear?

23
00:01:46,290 --> 00:01:47,790
Oh, I know, I know. It's such a problem.

24
00:01:48,190 --> 00:01:49,630
Just leave it out, will you, dick brain?

25
00:01:49,850 --> 00:01:51,290
No, I'm serious. It is a problem.

26
00:01:51,710 --> 00:01:54,210
I mean, it's not as if you shagged
royalty before, is it?

27
00:01:54,950 --> 00:01:57,530
Hasn't it occurred to you that you might
be a little inconsiderate?

28
00:01:57,850 --> 00:01:58,850
In what way?

29
00:01:59,430 --> 00:02:03,170
Well, just buggering off for the weekend
without any warning.

30
00:02:03,830 --> 00:02:05,350
Not a thought for anyone else.

31
00:02:06,590 --> 00:02:08,509
Matthew, do you mean you're going to
miss me?

32
00:02:09,389 --> 00:02:12,970
No. Do you mean you're going to be
lonely without me? No.

33
00:02:13,690 --> 00:02:14,690
Why didn't you...

34
00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:18,090
Just get off, you demented cow.

35
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:20,890
I'm never lonely.

36
00:02:22,250 --> 00:02:23,250
I'm strong.

37
00:02:24,570 --> 00:02:25,930
I need no -one.

38
00:02:26,470 --> 00:02:27,510
I walk alone.

39
00:02:27,970 --> 00:02:29,450
Well, you don't walk very far alone.

40
00:02:30,690 --> 00:02:32,770
I suppose you do walk to the toilet
alone.

41
00:02:33,430 --> 00:02:36,090
Alone and unaided, Matthew walked to the
bog.

42
00:02:36,770 --> 00:02:38,230
Just leave it out, Mandy, right?

43
00:02:38,790 --> 00:02:41,090
You stay out of my life and I'll stay
out of yours.

44
00:02:41,330 --> 00:02:42,330
Fine.

45
00:02:42,550 --> 00:02:43,810
Matt? What?

46
00:02:46,359 --> 00:02:49,200
That is the Rolls -Royce of tennis
rackets, Amanda.

47
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:52,200
The man who designed Concord designed
that. Great.

48
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,760
Andre Agassi would give his right
bollock for that.

49
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,880
Brilliant. 700 quid.

50
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,220
Oh, God, he's early.

51
00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:05,040
Thanks, Matt.

52
00:03:05,100 --> 00:03:06,640
Must go. Have a nice weekend.

53
00:03:17,340 --> 00:03:18,340
Pardon?

54
00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:23,840
Let's have a nice cup of tea, and we can
go in the living room, sit down, watch

55
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:27,480
a bit of telly, and you can tell me
about that hairy German girl that you

56
00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:31,420
I can't tonight, Matt. Then you can pop
out and get us a lamp of thunder from

57
00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:33,640
the Kaiba, and then maybe we'll get a
video.

58
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:36,400
Sorry, what?

59
00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:38,360
I'm not staying in with you tonight,
Matt.

60
00:03:38,860 --> 00:03:39,860
I'm going out.

61
00:03:41,140 --> 00:03:42,140
Right, piss off, then.

62
00:03:43,910 --> 00:03:46,890
Yeah, well, I have got to hurry,
actually. I said I'd be there at eight.

63
00:03:46,890 --> 00:03:48,010
right, fine. So, look, back my men.

64
00:03:48,330 --> 00:03:49,330
I don't care what you're doing.

65
00:03:50,090 --> 00:03:51,090
Where are you going now?

66
00:03:51,570 --> 00:03:54,470
I'm meeting Wally Bazoon for a drink. We
might go and see a film.

67
00:03:55,910 --> 00:03:57,070
Wally Bazoon.

68
00:03:58,350 --> 00:03:59,870
He's that Turkish chap from the bank.

69
00:04:00,890 --> 00:04:02,710
Wally Bazoon from the bank.

70
00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:05,550
He sounds like a complete wanker.

71
00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:17,200
Matt, I've just thought.

72
00:04:17,459 --> 00:04:18,740
Why don't you come with us?

73
00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:21,019
Me? It'll be a laugh.

74
00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:22,760
Wally's a really good bloke.

75
00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:24,480
Can't tonight, Mark. Got a lot on.

76
00:04:26,660 --> 00:04:28,860
Matthew, you should come out, you know.
It'll be all right.

77
00:04:29,180 --> 00:04:33,240
Look, I just don't fancy it, all right?
It's months now since we went out. I

78
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:34,240
don't want to go out.

79
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:38,160
And I can't anyway because I happen to
be incredibly busy tonight.

80
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:42,620
And even if I did want to go out, which
I don't, and even if I wasn't incredibly

81
00:04:42,620 --> 00:04:43,960
busy, which I am...

82
00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:48,290
The last thing I needed to be seen in
public with a pair of pathetic losers

83
00:04:48,290 --> 00:04:49,290
you and Willie Bosom.

84
00:04:51,550 --> 00:04:53,230
Wally Bosom, actually.

85
00:04:53,790 --> 00:04:54,870
He's Turkish.

86
00:04:55,550 --> 00:04:57,450
Martin. Yeah? Shut up.

87
00:04:58,110 --> 00:04:59,630
OK. Bye, then.

88
00:05:06,670 --> 00:05:10,790
Tonight, we examine the links between
loneliness and suicide.

89
00:05:11,610 --> 00:05:13,670
Once men in their early 20s.

90
00:06:46,380 --> 00:06:48,140
I'm not taking any more shit, man!

91
00:06:48,380 --> 00:06:49,380
Yeah, right.

92
00:06:50,740 --> 00:06:51,940
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.

93
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:53,740
I've run a flat downstairs.

94
00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:25,580
Oh, what have you been doing with
Mandy's hairdryer?

95
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:27,760
Lovely. It's not important.

96
00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:31,520
On the one hand... Sorry.

97
00:07:31,780 --> 00:07:32,780
Oh, don't worry.

98
00:07:33,580 --> 00:07:35,600
Keep the telly off a minute, mate. I
want to talk to you.

99
00:07:37,940 --> 00:07:39,340
It's about you never going out.

100
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:42,160
I've been talking it over with Wally.

101
00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:44,940
You know, Wally Bazoon from the bank.

102
00:07:45,820 --> 00:07:49,460
And, well, he thinks that you might need
medical help.

103
00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:53,100
Medical help.

104
00:07:53,580 --> 00:07:54,580
Yeah.

105
00:07:54,940 --> 00:07:57,300
I don't need medical help, Martin.

106
00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,400
It just doesn't seem healthy. I'm a rock
musician, Mark.

107
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,540
Health doesn't come into it.

108
00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:06,800
Rock stars like me, we live fast and we
die young. It's the price we pay.

109
00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:09,360
Matt, what are you talking about?

110
00:08:10,780 --> 00:08:11,780
I've joined a band.

111
00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:17,160
I've been out of the flat all evening
practising with them. You're in a band?

112
00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:19,580
Yep, I am the lead singer of the band.

113
00:08:21,130 --> 00:08:23,170
Bloody hell, Matt, you're a cool
bastard.

114
00:08:23,970 --> 00:08:27,350
You're really in a band. The lead
singer. Bloody hell.

115
00:08:27,750 --> 00:08:34,150
Yep. I expect I'll have to sleep with
loads of underage girls and do designer

116
00:08:34,150 --> 00:08:39,730
drugs and... Yeah, you'll be on the
school bus snorting Armani cocaine with

117
00:08:39,730 --> 00:08:41,630
the 13 -year -olds. You lucky bastard.

118
00:08:42,350 --> 00:08:45,210
Except for complete strangers queuing up
to give you a blowjob.

119
00:08:48,390 --> 00:08:49,470
Hang on a minute, Matt.

120
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:53,100
When I left here about half seven, you
were settling down for a night in front

121
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:55,000
of the telly. Now I come back at what?

122
00:08:55,540 --> 00:08:57,980
Half ten. You reckon you're the lead
singer of some band?

123
00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:03,200
I heard their sound coming through the
ceiling and I knew the call had come.

124
00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:07,820
Matthew, you've been under a lot of
strain since your parents died. There

125
00:09:07,820 --> 00:09:11,100
doctors you know. There is a band just
moved into the flat upstairs, Martin.

126
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,620
They had a bust up with their lead
singer and they needed a replacement.

127
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:17,100
I came along at the right moment and the
rest is history.

128
00:09:19,340 --> 00:09:21,060
Or at least it will be in the future,
that is.

129
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,940
Why would I waste my time?

130
00:09:24,620 --> 00:09:26,380
Anyway, you'll see for yourself.

131
00:09:26,740 --> 00:09:30,420
The Fury should be dropping by some
lyrics for me to learn. The Fury?

132
00:09:31,260 --> 00:09:32,260
What's a Fury?

133
00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:35,920
It's a guitarist's name, Mark. The Edge
out of U2.

134
00:09:36,460 --> 00:09:40,420
Slash out of Guns N' Roses. Now, there's
the Fury out of Proactive.

135
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:41,640
Right, yeah.

136
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:44,200
Face it, Mark.

137
00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:47,060
You're in the presence of a rock and
roll legend in the making.

138
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:51,400
Fancy a cuppa, then?

139
00:09:52,740 --> 00:09:53,740
Okey -dokey.

140
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:56,400
Mark, let me tell you something useful.

141
00:09:57,500 --> 00:10:00,140
Girls don't shag men who say okey
-dokey.

142
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:03,280
Don't they?

143
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:05,940
You'd better bear it in mind, Mark, cos
you're going to be meeting a lot of rock

144
00:10:05,940 --> 00:10:09,900
chicks in future who might let you shag
them because they think they've got a

145
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:10,900
shot of shagging me.

146
00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:13,820
It's not my ideal scenario.

147
00:10:16,540 --> 00:10:17,700
But what the hell?

148
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:20,619
Door, Martin.

149
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:21,620
Right.

150
00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:26,880
It's the fury.

151
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:34,900
I, um, brought the lyrics, right?

152
00:10:36,180 --> 00:10:37,180
Thanks, man. Cool.

153
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:41,560
Nighty -night, then.

154
00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:57,880
I'm on the streets.

155
00:10:58,360 --> 00:10:59,580
I'm in the gutter.

156
00:11:00,180 --> 00:11:02,140
How do I get my bread and butter?

157
00:11:03,740 --> 00:11:06,140
In the cold, you see me shudder.

158
00:11:06,660 --> 00:11:09,340
Any spare change, you hear me mutter.

159
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:13,520
In the windows of your eyes, you've
pulled down the shutter.

160
00:11:14,660 --> 00:11:17,760
You say to your wife, it's just some
nutter.

161
00:11:21,020 --> 00:11:23,540
Quick, cross the road, I hear her utter.

162
00:11:25,189 --> 00:11:26,410
Piss off home, then.

163
00:11:28,890 --> 00:11:30,170
Ignore my splutter.

164
00:11:32,270 --> 00:11:34,630
I'm on the street, I'm in the gutter.

165
00:11:35,670 --> 00:11:37,990
It's years since I had bread and butter.

166
00:11:40,030 --> 00:11:41,030
Well?

167
00:11:41,770 --> 00:11:42,770
What do you think?

168
00:11:43,630 --> 00:11:46,750
Um... Well, it rhymes well, doesn't it?

169
00:11:48,050 --> 00:11:49,450
Is that all you can say?

170
00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:50,710
Well, you know.

171
00:11:50,950 --> 00:11:53,210
Well, it's all in the performance
anyway.

172
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:55,400
Like, catch this, Tossa.

173
00:11:56,100 --> 00:12:00,780
I'm in the street! I'm in the gutter!
It's years since I had bread and butter!

174
00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,900
Is that brilliant or what? What?

175
00:12:06,180 --> 00:12:07,180
No, I mean brilliant.

176
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:08,360
Brilliant.

177
00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:09,660
You're right.

178
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:11,660
Good night, then, Tossa.

179
00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:12,940
I'm turning in.

180
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:15,900
Nighty -night.

181
00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:22,840
What did you say?

182
00:12:25,530 --> 00:12:29,890
Nothing. Are you ripping the piss out of
the fury?

183
00:13:08,460 --> 00:13:10,080
He's joined a band. He's the lead
singer.

184
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:12,160
Matthew's actually gone out?

185
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:14,360
I can't believe it.

186
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:15,800
That's brilliant.

187
00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:18,180
Well, it's not all that brilliant,
actually.

188
00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:21,560
Because the band live in the flat
upstairs and they've been practising all

189
00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:23,800
morning. And I've asked them to turn
their amps down.

190
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:26,000
And Matthew said, piss off, I'm your
landlord.

191
00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:29,440
And he says he's putting up our rent
because it's such an honour for us to

192
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:30,440
with a rock legend.

193
00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:32,840
Well, it seems to have stopped now.

194
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:36,620
Oh, man, let's just go out. Let's go to
the pub or something before they start

195
00:13:36,620 --> 00:13:37,379
up again.

196
00:13:37,380 --> 00:13:38,380
Yeah. Why not?

197
00:13:39,070 --> 00:13:40,410
I'll have to call a taxi, though.

198
00:13:40,630 --> 00:13:41,810
I've really hurt my ankle.

199
00:13:42,650 --> 00:13:43,650
Well, how did you do that?

200
00:13:45,370 --> 00:13:46,370
Martin.

201
00:13:47,590 --> 00:13:49,210
I've had such a terrible time.

202
00:13:54,150 --> 00:13:55,150
Here, man. It's coming.

203
00:13:55,470 --> 00:13:57,930
It still doesn't have the right feel.
He's giving us on the nose.

204
00:13:58,730 --> 00:14:03,030
We don't want on the nose. We want
strung out, you know. We want dog dirt

205
00:14:03,030 --> 00:14:04,830
desperate. Come on, Giles.

206
00:14:05,070 --> 00:14:06,290
Not Giles. Hook, man.

207
00:14:06,620 --> 00:14:07,620
Hook Man!

208
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:10,460
Sorry, Hook Man. I keep forgetting.

209
00:14:11,380 --> 00:14:12,540
Don't mind him. He's a bit moody.

210
00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:16,540
Look, how do you really feel about bread
and butter?

211
00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:19,880
Well, I don't know.

212
00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:21,860
It's all right with a piece of cheese.

213
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:24,480
What?

214
00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:25,499
Joke, man.

215
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:26,500
As in, ha -ha.

216
00:14:26,580 --> 00:14:27,580
Oh, no, God, no, listen.

217
00:14:27,820 --> 00:14:28,820
No, no, proactive.

218
00:14:28,860 --> 00:14:30,800
Do not make jokes about the homeless.

219
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:32,920
We care about their plight.

220
00:14:33,980 --> 00:14:34,980
Why's that, then?

221
00:14:36,620 --> 00:14:38,000
Should have thought that was obvious,
Matt.

222
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:40,200
Is it?

223
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,560
Oh, I get it. One of you's actually
being homeless.

224
00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:45,280
No.

225
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:47,120
Oh, I don't know. I give up.

226
00:15:06,869 --> 00:15:08,170
I'm ill, man.

227
00:15:08,710 --> 00:15:10,190
Yeah, I'm ill, man.

228
00:15:10,890 --> 00:15:12,710
I'm feeling really wrong.

229
00:15:13,710 --> 00:15:14,710
Oh, yeah.

230
00:15:16,230 --> 00:15:17,250
Do it to me.

231
00:15:19,590 --> 00:15:22,690
What are

232
00:15:22,690 --> 00:15:28,490
you doing, man? What's going on here?

233
00:15:30,370 --> 00:15:31,370
Performing.

234
00:15:31,670 --> 00:15:34,550
So why are you rubbing yourself against
the mic stand?

235
00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:38,920
I'm just trying to make it more
interesting for the audience.

236
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:44,040
This is a song about a lonely old woman
who dies of hypothermia because she

237
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:45,200
can't afford to pay for heating.

238
00:15:48,540 --> 00:15:51,940
So you don't think shagging the mic
stands appropriate here? Oh, God!

239
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:54,740
No, Matt, we don't. Not really.

240
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:56,560
I see.

241
00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:58,520
What does the Fury think?

242
00:16:01,900 --> 00:16:02,859
He's hopeless.

243
00:16:02,860 --> 00:16:04,980
I mean, he's hopeless. He understands
nothing.

244
00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:12,600
I didn't want to have to say this so
soon, but your song's a crap.

245
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:17,680
Homeless. Old bats dying. Who gives a
toss, right?

246
00:16:19,460 --> 00:16:20,460
It's all right, man. Don't worry.

247
00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:21,700
I'll write my own lyrics.

248
00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:28,940
Hang on a minute. Let me get this
straight.

249
00:16:30,060 --> 00:16:31,380
Sally fancied Alistair.

250
00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:33,260
Rosie fancied Alistair.

251
00:16:34,470 --> 00:16:37,410
Charlotte fancied George, but George
fancied Rosie.

252
00:16:38,150 --> 00:16:39,950
And Alistair didn't fancy anyone.

253
00:16:41,070 --> 00:16:44,530
Laura fancied... No, no, no, no. You've
got it all in a muddle.

254
00:16:45,090 --> 00:16:50,550
Rosie fancied... Well, the point is that
we were all playing this stupid game

255
00:16:50,550 --> 00:16:51,550
called Truth.

256
00:16:51,670 --> 00:16:52,830
It was so childish.

257
00:16:53,630 --> 00:16:55,170
Everybody had to answer questions.

258
00:16:55,490 --> 00:16:58,710
But the only question being asked was,
who would you most like to sleep with

259
00:16:58,710 --> 00:16:59,710
of everyone in the room?

260
00:17:00,070 --> 00:17:01,070
Well, who did you say?

261
00:17:01,370 --> 00:17:03,370
I said Jack, because I didn't want to
upset anyone.

262
00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:05,880
Didn't any of them fancy Jack, then?

263
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,040
Martin, I told you.

264
00:17:08,619 --> 00:17:10,260
Jack is the long -haired Alsatian.

265
00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:14,900
He was the only decent one out of the
lot of them.

266
00:17:15,859 --> 00:17:17,319
So what was so dreadful?

267
00:17:18,099 --> 00:17:22,180
Well, George, Alistair and Charles all
said that they'd most like to sleep with

268
00:17:22,180 --> 00:17:23,180
me.

269
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:27,140
Except, Martin, they didn't say that.
They said, Roger.

270
00:17:28,180 --> 00:17:29,180
Roger?

271
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:31,500
Isn't he the one that fancied George?

272
00:17:32,220 --> 00:17:33,320
Martin! Joke.

273
00:17:34,050 --> 00:17:35,550
Don't get like Matthew, Martin.

274
00:17:37,050 --> 00:17:40,530
Well, anyway, then all the girls started
ganging up on me and hating me, of

275
00:17:40,530 --> 00:17:41,570
course. But why?

276
00:17:42,290 --> 00:17:45,810
Well, it wasn't your fault all the men
wanted to... You know, with you.

277
00:17:46,870 --> 00:17:49,070
You're too nice. Do you know that,
Martin?

278
00:17:49,330 --> 00:17:50,330
Am I?

279
00:17:52,270 --> 00:17:53,590
I want a shag.

280
00:17:54,590 --> 00:17:55,690
Cos that's my bag.

281
00:17:57,050 --> 00:17:58,050
Don't be a drag.

282
00:17:58,590 --> 00:18:02,790
I don't want to suck it, so just let's
have your bucket.

283
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,340
Blag, knob, swivel, dick, love, pump,
tallywhacker.

284
00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:20,720
Shag, blag, blag, blag, bonk, bonk,
shag, shag, skunk, pussy right now.

285
00:18:21,260 --> 00:18:22,960
Yep. That's not bad.

286
00:18:25,140 --> 00:18:26,960
He'd do anything right after that.

287
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:31,660
I mean, the way I filled up people's
wine glasses to the top was vulgar,

288
00:18:31,700 --> 00:18:32,700
apparently.

289
00:18:33,020 --> 00:18:37,400
And then I... I cut the nose off the
cheese.

290
00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:41,840
It means I cut a piece off the end
instead of down the side.

291
00:18:42,220 --> 00:18:43,240
Well, what's wrong with that?

292
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:45,800
It was very plebeian of me, so they
said.

293
00:18:46,580 --> 00:18:50,800
And then they said that Matt's tennis
racket was a bit trotthouse forte.

294
00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:52,820
What does that mean?

295
00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:54,100
I don't know.

296
00:18:54,580 --> 00:18:58,040
They're really old ones with broken
strings that must have belonged to their

297
00:18:58,040 --> 00:18:59,040
grandmothers or something.

298
00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:03,660
And then I heard Charlotte telling
Rosie... in a whisper that I was meant

299
00:19:03,660 --> 00:19:06,280
hear, that I was a bit of a Sharon,
really.

300
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:09,920
And they'd all been really nice before
all the blokes said they wanted to shag

301
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:10,920
me.

302
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:12,680
Mandy, listen to me.

303
00:19:13,460 --> 00:19:17,460
You haven't done anything wrong. These
people sound horrible and stupid.

304
00:19:20,220 --> 00:19:21,400
You are beautiful.

305
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:24,920
And you're a better person than any of
that lot.

306
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,840
And you could have any man you want.

307
00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:33,560
You haven't heard the worst yet, Martin.

308
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:38,720
Take me to a room with black suede
walls.

309
00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:40,560
Lock me in.

310
00:19:41,140 --> 00:19:42,780
Into your womb room.

311
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:47,460
Ain't never gonna leave this room of
yours, girl. Outside is where the

312
00:19:47,460 --> 00:19:50,900
live. Inside is where you and I live,
girl. Inside.

313
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:53,520
And then I sort of fade out.

314
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:55,460
In you.

315
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:56,519
In you.

316
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:57,439
In you.

317
00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:59,900
In you. In you. Up you.

318
00:20:00,140 --> 00:20:01,140
In you.

319
00:20:02,030 --> 00:20:03,030
What do you think?

320
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:06,370
Incredible. Yeah?

321
00:20:07,570 --> 00:20:10,470
Incredible that you expect us to comment
on your mad gibberish.

322
00:20:11,190 --> 00:20:14,130
Incredible you should offer your
services as a singer and then tell us

323
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,130
material is crap.

324
00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:18,550
Incredible that you really expect us to
take orders from you when we only met

325
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:19,550
you yesterday.

326
00:20:20,130 --> 00:20:22,050
Hookman, your voice has gone all
squeaky.

327
00:20:23,270 --> 00:20:25,330
OK, OK, OK.

328
00:20:26,890 --> 00:20:28,490
Artistic differences, right, that's
cool.

329
00:20:29,990 --> 00:20:30,990
Listen, Matt.

330
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:33,440
You have enormous potential, right?

331
00:20:33,940 --> 00:20:35,760
You have to learn to harness that,
right?

332
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:36,639
Mm -hm.

333
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:38,220
We're not a band on the main, man.

334
00:20:39,060 --> 00:20:42,020
We're the dispossessed, right? The
lonely, the abused.

335
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:43,239
Are we?

336
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:46,700
The despised, the unemployed, the
underclass.

337
00:20:53,060 --> 00:20:54,060
Yeah, hi.

338
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:55,280
Yeah, this is Chris.

339
00:20:57,580 --> 00:20:58,580
Tonight?

340
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:00,240
From which record label?

341
00:21:02,350 --> 00:21:03,350
And the press are in. Which ones?

342
00:21:04,910 --> 00:21:05,910
Wow.

343
00:21:05,970 --> 00:21:07,190
No, no problem whatsoever.

344
00:21:07,410 --> 00:21:09,390
In fact, we've just got a very exciting
new vocalist.

345
00:21:10,130 --> 00:21:11,510
OK, we'll be long set up shortly.

346
00:21:11,750 --> 00:21:12,750
Cheers. Bye.

347
00:21:14,250 --> 00:21:15,250
We've got a gig.

348
00:21:15,290 --> 00:21:17,630
Tonight at the Spotted Dog, they've had
a cancellation!

349
00:21:18,050 --> 00:21:19,050
Awesome!

350
00:21:19,170 --> 00:21:20,170
A gig.

351
00:21:20,470 --> 00:21:22,270
Yeah! Could be it, guys.

352
00:21:22,890 --> 00:21:24,370
That's like going out, right?

353
00:21:25,230 --> 00:21:26,570
I don't know, the Spotted Dog.

354
00:21:26,830 --> 00:21:31,670
No. Sorry, guys, I can't do it. It's,
um, it's my kidneys. Yeah.

355
00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:33,139
Stage fright.

356
00:21:33,140 --> 00:21:35,440
No, I can't do it. I can't do it.

357
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,240
Listen, Matt, we all get nervous before
a gig. No, no.

358
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,360
Hey, guys, we'd better load up the van.

359
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:44,620
Well, uh, good luck, guys.

360
00:21:44,900 --> 00:21:45,900
Sorry.

361
00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:47,940
Ooh, I can feel my kidneys playing up
already.

362
00:21:48,380 --> 00:21:51,180
You are not going to spoil our big
chance.

363
00:21:51,620 --> 00:21:55,400
You're going to do this gig, and I don't
care if your kidneys explode. All

364
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:56,400
right!

365
00:21:59,980 --> 00:22:04,280
I'd had a lot to drink by then, everyone
had, and I was dying to go to the loo.

366
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:06,220
So I asked directions to the bathroom.

367
00:22:06,860 --> 00:22:10,440
When I got there, I discovered that it
was exactly that, a bathroom.

368
00:22:10,820 --> 00:22:13,720
There was no toilet, just a bath and a
sink.

369
00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:16,920
So I tried the room next door, and that
was a bedroom.

370
00:22:17,140 --> 00:22:20,040
And then I tried the other room, and
there was an old man in bed, groaning.

371
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:24,820
So I rushed back to the bathroom, pulled
my knickers down, and climbed onto the

372
00:22:24,820 --> 00:22:25,820
sink.

373
00:22:25,860 --> 00:22:28,060
It was a sort of posh marble thing on a
pedestal.

374
00:22:30,379 --> 00:22:33,100
Unfortunately, it wasn't fixed very
securely to the wall.

375
00:22:34,340 --> 00:22:37,820
And the whole thing came crashing down
with me on top of it. I mean, I'm lucky

376
00:22:37,820 --> 00:22:39,060
only twisted my ankle.

377
00:22:39,460 --> 00:22:40,800
Well, did they find out it was you?

378
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:42,320
Yes.

379
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,320
They all came in through this other
door, which I hadn't noticed before.

380
00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:49,280
In fact, I think they all arrived rather
suspiciously quickly.

381
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,000
What did you do?

382
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:56,100
Well, I just said, could one of you
possibly call me a taxi now? I have to

383
00:22:56,100 --> 00:22:57,100
leave.

384
00:22:57,360 --> 00:22:59,320
Blimey. Well, that was dead flash, man.

385
00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:00,960
Yeah, I thought so.

386
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:05,040
It would have sounded a lot flasher if I
hadn't been sitting on the floor with

387
00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:06,200
my knickers round my ankles.

388
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:12,880
Well, you know, it started so I
finished.

389
00:23:17,100 --> 00:23:19,080
I think I want to go home now.

390
00:23:19,780 --> 00:23:21,140
You won't tell Matthew, will you?

391
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:22,480
Of course not.

392
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:23,840
Not if you don't want me to.

393
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:25,320
You're nice.

394
00:23:25,980 --> 00:23:27,960
Take me home, Martin. I think I'm a bit
pissed.

395
00:23:28,380 --> 00:23:29,079
Come on, then.

396
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:30,080
Let's go home.

397
00:23:38,220 --> 00:23:41,700
I'm glad we're going home now. This lot
or anything like that, not upstairs from

398
00:23:41,700 --> 00:23:42,700
us.

399
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:45,080
Where do you want to go?

400
00:24:01,230 --> 00:24:02,230
Are you sure?

401
00:24:02,610 --> 00:24:03,830
I need to sleep.

402
00:24:04,710 --> 00:24:05,710
Oh.

403
00:24:14,010 --> 00:24:15,010
Man.

404
00:24:17,890 --> 00:24:19,210
I think you're lovely.

405
00:24:22,250 --> 00:24:24,770
Actually, I... I love you.

406
00:24:25,530 --> 00:24:26,910
I love you too, Mart.

407
00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:45,620
Did he go to bed early?

408
00:24:49,740 --> 00:24:54,280
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome on
stage, Proactive!

409
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:38,760
Is it all right if I snuggle up to you?

410
00:25:39,140 --> 00:25:40,140
Mm -hm.

411
00:25:43,100 --> 00:25:44,640
Mand? Mm -hm.

412
00:25:45,780 --> 00:25:47,360
Is it all right if I have a hard -on?

413
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:50,040
Mm -hm.

414
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:52,300
Just so long as you don't poke me with
it.

415
00:25:55,220 --> 00:25:56,220
Right.

416
00:25:56,980 --> 00:25:58,100
I'll try not to, Mand.

417
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:00,300
Go to sleep, Martin.

418
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:06,000
Help me.

419
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:09,200
Help me.

420
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:12,000
Help me.

421
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:13,600
My head.

422
00:26:19,300 --> 00:26:22,180
Have you two bastards been shagging?

423
00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:27,120
Of course not. I'd be stupid.

424
00:26:27,380 --> 00:26:28,460
Wouldn't shag him.

425
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:32,100
Where have you been, Matthew?

426
00:26:33,500 --> 00:26:34,500
Out.

427
00:26:35,620 --> 00:26:36,640
With my band.

428
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:38,580
Out with your band?

429
00:26:40,140 --> 00:26:41,140
Yeah.

430
00:26:42,500 --> 00:26:43,500
Done a gig.

431
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:45,980
You've done a gig with a band?

432
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:47,720
Yeah.

433
00:26:48,340 --> 00:26:49,340
Lead singer.

434
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:50,600
How'd it go, Matt?

435
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:51,760
Went great.

436
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:54,480
I was awesome.

437
00:26:55,460 --> 00:26:57,220
Tell us about it, Matt. No.

438
00:26:58,700 --> 00:26:59,700
Drained.

439
00:27:01,220 --> 00:27:02,260
I'm tired now.

440
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:05,460
You know, gave my all tonight.

441
00:27:07,980 --> 00:27:09,460
I think I'd better have a lie down.

442
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,900
No, no, Matthew, get out. There's not
enough room for all of this. I have to.

443
00:27:16,140 --> 00:27:17,280
I have to rest.

444
00:27:18,620 --> 00:27:19,820
I have to rest.

445
00:27:46,350 --> 00:27:51,630
In the unpromising environs of the
spotted dog Battersea, new band,

446
00:27:51,730 --> 00:27:55,110
took us through the pain barrier into a
totally new dimension.

447
00:27:56,230 --> 00:28:01,690
Fusing trip -hammer rock with
performance art, lead singer Matthew

448
00:28:01,690 --> 00:28:03,890
doesn't sing, he sobs.

449
00:28:05,730 --> 00:28:08,350
He screams, he gibbers.

450
00:28:08,690 --> 00:28:14,650
He enacts all the pain and poverty and
deprivation and utter lack of meaning in

451
00:28:14,650 --> 00:28:18,800
a post -modern... Ethnically cleansed,
terminally infected universe.

452
00:28:20,660 --> 00:28:22,740
The man is clearly insane.

453
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:26,100
A star is born.

454
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:27,920
Isn't that you're going to be a star?

455
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:29,460
I don't think so, Martin.

456
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:31,840
But look, dog's bollocks, Matt.

457
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:33,200
Who needs it?

458
00:28:33,620 --> 00:28:35,600
I thought you needed it, Matthew.

459
00:28:35,860 --> 00:28:38,440
I don't need anything or anyone, Martin.

460
00:28:39,140 --> 00:28:40,400
I've done what I wanted.

461
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:42,360
Now I'm retiring.

462
00:28:43,500 --> 00:28:45,080
But Matthew, it's...

463
00:28:45,580 --> 00:28:47,120
Get out of the way of the telly, Martin.

464
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:49,400
Sorry, mate.

465
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:51,480
We'll make us a cup of tea, then.

466
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:53,800
Yeah, all right.